By: teri on June 5, 2009

Not all that often do I feel (what I think is) the holy spirit. In primary we talk about the holy ghost with the kids all the time. We ask them what it is and what it feels like. The standard answer is “a peaceful feeling,” “a warm feeling around your heart,” etc. It doesn’t have to be quiet around you to “feel” something, though I’m fairly certain that is something else we mention to the kids… it can be very quiet or subtle so you have to listen or pay attention.

These days there is really nothing quiet about my life. Even when there are no tears, or screaming, or fighting or calling out to me for something, the daily noise kids make is… loud. And in those few moments when I am not around a child, my own thoughts are so loud that there is nothing left to hear. “When is this baby coming?,” “what the heck are we going to name him?,” “why didn’t I keep up on the kids baby books?,” blah blah blah blah blah. Its constant.

But every once in awhile, I get that small moment of peace.
Tonight we were driving home from dinner at the Kuletos. The kids were okay over there, but loud as we just talked about, and by the end Tyler just broke down so in the car he was a little bit sad. He found his pacifier so that helped calm him and Jaxon was sucking on his thumb, head slumped over as if he were about to fall asleep.
We turned left onto San Dieguito Rd and as we were coming down the hill into Fairbanks view in the sky was just lit up. The weather here has been wacky the last few days with thunder and lightening, then some sun, then rain again. So all the clouds right above us were dark like rain clouds. The whole foreground of the sky was a dark gray. But behind those clouds, off in the distance, was a bright blue sky and a shining sun. You couldn’t see the sun because is was hidden behind the clouds but that is what made it so beautiful. There was this bright, glowing light lining all these dark clouds and the light was radiating off of them. It reminded me a little of a picture Eric took in New Zealand that we all loved so much. I only got to see it for about 10 seconds before I drove down the hill out of sight but in that brief time the same thought process comes over me. First it is just a “wow, look at that, that’s beautiful,” then a “there must be a God to know how to create something like that” thought, then, no thoughts… just peace.
For me it feels like my heart and my head just took a long deep breath at the same time.

Then we pulled home and it was back to “Did we get here before Daddy? We won. I want to open my door. Mommy, don’t open the door, I’m gonna do it. I want Daddy to get me out, you get Tyler…..”

And the peaceful feeling is gone.